you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
