I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
