A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
