what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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