U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
