You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
