Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
