You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
