I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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