he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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