I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Still dying that you shit outside
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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