Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
