dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
