You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
