You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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