she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do herpes really smell.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
