I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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