He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
