She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
