i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
