I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
