Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
