apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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