this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Randomize
