I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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