Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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