Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
