wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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