I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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