She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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