I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
