and you said cock pushups were impossible
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
