Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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