Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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