There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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