: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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