wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
