Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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