While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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