if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
