Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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