I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
