And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
