this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
