Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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