Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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