if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
