planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She needs sedatives and a leash
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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