I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
