Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
