FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The ass gains better be worth it
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