Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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