I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did I show you my penis last night?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
