Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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