i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
